This was also published as a Twitter thread here

Why Empathy Is the Key Differentiator for Top-Performing Senior Software Engineers

For senior software professionals, technical skills and depth are table stakes—but they’re not enough. In my opinion, one thing separates the top performers from the rest: empathy. If you want to stand out and move the needle, focus on developing empathy in at least four key areas: customers, design/experience, sales and economics, and the layers of your organization abstracted 2–3 levels. So, how do you build this superpower? Let’s break it down.

Why Empathy Matters

Empathy isn’t just a soft skill—it’s a career multiplier. It allows you to understand and connect with others deeply, whether they’re customers, teammates, or stakeholders. For senior engineers, empathy helps you create better solutions, align with business goals, and build trust across the organization. But it’s not something you can fake or develop overnight—it takes practice and intention.

How to Develop Empathy in Four Critical Areas?

1. Empathy for Customers

Put yourself in your customers’ shoes, wholeheartedly. Be in front of customers every chance you get, even if it’s not formally part of your job. Understand their stated needs—what they tell you they want—but also dig into their unstated needs, the ones they might not even realize they have. Ask why they use the solution or product you helped build. Go deep, question assumptions, and truly grasp their pain points and motivations. This isn’t easy, but it’s essential for building something they’ll love.

2. Empathy for Design and Experience

Think about the experience you want users, architects, sales folks, or others to have when they interact with your work—whether it’s a document, UI, or email you sent. It doesn’t have to be stellar every time, but it needs to deliver when it matters. Use frameworks like the LNO system (Leverage, Neutral, Overhead) to prioritize where to focus your energy. For high-impact tasks, aim for a great job and let your inner perfectionist shine. For others, do a strictly good job or just get it done—actively try to avoid wasting effort where it doesn’t count.

3. Empathy for Sales and Economics

As engineers, we can get excited about the tech or product we’re building, but that’s only part of the story. It takes an economic model and sales strategy to make it successful. Unless you understand—at least to a good degree—how sales and economics work, you’ll be living in a bubble. Ask yourself: What are customers actually buying—technology, solutions, service, or skills? Why would they choose you? Are you a niche player, or is demand outstripping supply? Are you leveraging cost arbitrage in your region? How do you become discoverable to your target market?

The best part? You can simulate most of this with thought experiments, using some data and smart assumptions. Yet, most engineers think cost, finance, economics, and sales are “not their business.” That’s a missed opportunity—embrace it, and you’ll see the bigger picture.

4. Empathy for Layers in the Organization, 2–3 Levels Up

Do you know the priorities of your VP, CTO, or other senior leaders in your organization? This is crucial for finding alignment and driving impact. Empathy here means understanding their goals, challenges, and motivations, even if they’re abstracted a few levels above you. This perspective helps you connect your work to the broader mission and ensures you’re not just heads-down on technical tasks but also contributing to the organization’s strategic direction.

How to Build Empathy as a Skill

Empathy doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it’s like any other muscle—you can build it with time and practice. It’s especially easier for people who are open to feedback and don’t feel threatened by criticism. If this isn’t your strong suit, start small: Listen Actively: Pay attention to what others say, and dig deeper into their goals, KPIs, and motivations.

Seek Feedback: Use feedback as a gift, not a threat. Pause, assume no ill intent, and let it sink in before analyzing it (as I’ve shared in other posts).

Practice Perspective-Taking: Set aside your own assumptions about a product or solution, and truly step into the shoes of the customer, salesperson, or leader you’re working with.

This takes effort, but once you build empathy, you’ll gain a far clearer view of your work and its impact. It’s a superpower that can transform your career.

The Bottom Line

For senior software engineers, technical depth gets you in the door, but empathy sets you apart. Focus on understanding customers, design, sales, and organizational layers with genuine empathy, and you’ll move the needle in ways technical skills alone can’t. It’s hard to develop, but it’s possible—and the payoff is massive.